Buffalo Hash House Harriers

Festivus 2012

Close to 40 half-minds made the slippery drive to the Commissioner's Cabin at Chestnut Ridge Park for the 2nd Annual Festivus for the Rest of us hash. Once again, the hash gods were smiling down on BH3 with a glorious snowy day. Out of Towners Phart and ET came south of the border from Oakville/Niagara Falls and Mudman, Robin Wood, Uncle John, Free Cuntry, Male Slot, Erectile Duckfuntion, Lopsided Labia, Bishop 2-2, and Harry CockHer travelled west from Flour City. Long time no see hasher Gorby also came out of hibernation to join the pack.

Hares Dr FAL and Spoonful of Asshole marked trail with agent orange in a can and alleged red colored flour (that was never seen beyond the mark on top of FAL's head.)  Standard hash marks led the pack along the slippery shore of a pond to a backcheck leading the pack through the park roads to Chestnut Ridge Rd and back into the park for the first BN located in a shelter at the bottom of the toboggan hill.  Hashers had a choice of cold beer or spiked hot chocolate. Trail continued up the sledding hill, across the casino parking lot and along the main park road where FAL attempted to block the flow of traffic with his car with great success as a carload of young ladies broadsided his Mazda with Free Cuntry still inside his car. (Hurt in a car? Call William Mattar - 444-4444)    Trail continued past the accident scene to a trail leading to a newly constructed warming hut and the 2nd BN. Hashers had a choice of a Turkey- Eagle Split, both leading back to the Commissioner's Cabin.

Fertilize Her ran another great circle starting with the hares, out of towners, birthdays (my 50th), and missed the last hash. On to accusations which included: new shoes, hashing with your dog, latecummers, getting stuck in a ditch, pushing someone out of a ditch, hash crashes, Festivus Virgins, and dry lips. On to a great spread of food and birthday cake.

Festivus is a great annual event at one of the best locations in WNY. If you haven't made it to either or both of the first 2, make a resolution to make it next year!

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes, great presents, and your presence!

Das Boot Hash - Review by Bangs for a Buck

The “Das Boot Hash” took place on Saturday afternoon, October 15th at the Rose Garden restaurant on Wehrle in Williamsville. Our Hare, WheresMyCooter, met up with her co-hares Suds And Jugs and Bangs For A Buck early in the morning and was met with hail, rain and 50 mph wind. There was some thought to changing the course, but the rain dissipated enough for them to set the trail.

Nineteen hearty souls, including four virgins, set off after having been well hydrated at the bar. Trail went south into a large open field with a Super Nova check and scattered everyone all over the place. Then it was through the woods on to a questionable back check. Hey, what would a hash be without any confusing marks? We then turned north to Main St. going through a playground and a cemetery. The first beer halt was in Cooter’s mom’s garage. Besides brewski’s, there was quite an array of coffee, hot cider, shots and soda. During this interlude, Suds mentioned he works in Chicago, (he really does!) which led to a rendition of song. Trail continued through her back yard, through an auto dealer’s lot and on to Murphy’s Pub in the Wehrle Golf Dome. The rain then picked up, so it was On Home back to the Rose Garden.

Circle was held in the dining room. Sweetest Day chocolates were provided to all the hariettes. “RA for the Day” was Bangs with assistance from Mudman. Pecker Wrecker handled the beer bitch duties and Pink Cosmo made sure the pitchers were full. As per usual, the hares were brought into the Circle, then the four female virgins, out-of-towners, birthdays and those who missed last hash. FRB’s, FBI and DFL were also serenaded. Fuckin Fartin Fur started off the accusations which continued for quite a while.

Bartender Mark and Manager Julie were very accommodating, so Cooter promised them that we would hash here again in the not too distant future.

Dead Celebrities put their ass on ice

Steve Jobs, Marilyn Monroe, Janis Joplin, Chris Farley, Blue from Old School, Anna Nicole Smith, Tupac Shakur....these are some of the hashers that showed up for I Want a Drink and Porn Tub's Devils Hash - #666.

Gathering up at Porn Tub's house, we met some virgins, some dogs (and I'm not talking about Just Eric's outfit) and were on-OUT. I Want a Drink had a laid a nicely confusing trail that even got Bangs for a Buck to bite on some false trails. We did run by a bunch nice looking water, which mysteriously, we never got into. WTF?

On-over drain pipes and some shiggy we made our way to a beer near at the infamous MacGruders. We watched the Sabres score some goals and thought about our own chances of doing likewise later. On the patio we sang the owner a short round of Chicago. Definitely a good way to spice up that song - sing it to a crowd of virgins! They've never heard the jokes before.

On-out, weaving down the trail...more urban shiggy and street hashing brought us to a second beer near. The pack, suitably half-in-the-bag at this point, began to make introductions to many of our virgins and dogs.

On-on again, completing the trail on-home. I got caught up on Ellicotville gossip and spent some quality time deciding which harriettte had the best tail on her costume.

Gathering up our late comers we circled on Porn Tub's back porch. A small bag of ice from Inverted Camel Toe's injury provided the inspiration to introduce a new generation of hashers to the pleasure of bare ass on ice. Flour City started it right with Poker Tang and SirCumScribeHer each taking a cheek while we sang them a song.

Much hilarity then ensued with long timers (Bangs), newcomers (Amanda, Pablo) and everyone in between getting accused and spending some quality time freezing their butts. Hashing - just when you think it can't get any funnier, a girl with ginormous tits shows up in the circle.

On-Halloween and 69 beer checks - On

Just Madison's Virgin Lay by Oakville's ET

ET writes:

Hey you wankers! For those who missed Just Madison's first inaugural virgin maiden hash, you lucked out on a great run! It was urban (2 bar beer stops), it was shiggy, with another BC on top of an abandoned railway bridge, and it was a barbie after at the Hare's house. Looking at the fit young turks gathering at the Getty station (saved $10 here), I was worried not being able to keep up with the...se athletes. However, some slower hashers showed up, including of the canine sort, who seemed to have a predilection to wallow in mud puddles. (Picture anyone?) JM was ably assisted by Anal Drip who did a good job sweeping and steering the slow pokes (moi) in the right direction. First BC was at the swanky Dooleys Bar, dog friendly, since they even had doggie watering bowls inside. Second BC was at Viggy's (?) where the lovely barmaid was serenaded twice.

Part 2 - FTN sign was not adhered to by half the pack, meaning they had to wait till the other half licked it all up, including doggie cones. On on through the Tonawanda wilderness, causing yellow stained shirts and pseudo allergy attacks. Third BC was on the top of above-mentioned railway bridge, not friendly to acrophobia sufferers, but the Sun Chips were good. On home to hare's house, where the... down downs were performed. Nice barbie, salad and desserts, which counteracted any kind of calorie loss caused by running. Demands of a harriette at the on-on: a bed frame (which all harriers present seemed to possess), medical insurance, and a driveway. The usual job-car-hair prerequisite seemed to have fallen by the wayside. I'd say: go for it boys! To heck with tailgate parties: This was a Good Run, Good Food, and Good Company. On On!!!!

Mount Me's 40th Birthday Hashstravaganza

40-something hashers gathered on Fuhrmann Blvd for Mount Me's 40th birthday hash. Several out of towners came from north, south, east, and west including: Hogtown - Butt Ugly, Mrs. Robinson, Sex Toy, & Cougar, Oakville - Phart, ET, & Two Women, Flour City - Goes Down Under, Eerie - Schlabotnik the Russian Sausage Mullett, Dolly Fartin, Cumz Alone, Sir Licks Alot, & Ho, Pittsburgh - Hypnotits, and Holidaze - Spanks my Minky. We also had 9 virgins and transfer hasher Just Pablo from NJ along with some BH3 regulars and not so regulars.

Trail started through a patch of shiggy, following the not-explained toilet tissue marks to a road leading to RCR Yachts and the first BN in a shelter next to the docks. Plenty of beer, shots of something, and a lot of conversation and we were off again to Furhmann Blvd, along an under construction boardwalk to a constructed boardwalk circle jerk leading to the 2nd BN behind a birdwatching blind and next to a pier. More beer and some snacks and we were off again, parallel to the lake, following the not explained orange ribbon to the 3rd BN on the lake with more beer and pudding shots. Schlabotnik was seen splashing around in the lake and several harriettes were impressively using their tongue swirling techniques on the pudding shot cups. Crash led a round of Today is Monday and the pack was off again, along the lake path and across the sand dunes to a super nova leading to the cupcake stop. The pack was on in from there, down Fuhrmann Blvd to the circle.

Crash led circle starting with the birthday girl hare and then the virgins. One of the virgins (who had hashed in Cameroon) had a headgear violation and when one virgin drinks.... On to the out of towners who were called up from north to south (sorry I missed you Minky) all sharing a song, joke, or body part. On to birthdays, missed the last hash, milestones (Crash and Pink's 200th hash and Cumz Alone's 3rd year hashing) FRB- Fertilize Her, FBIs(first bitches in) Trust Me and Pink, FBI (first bike in) Cougar and DFL. On to accusations which included shitting on trail - Just Bandit, hashing with your sister or family member, unexplained marks, all of BH3 for having the smallest down down cups ever, bounce back for making out with a dog during circle (acceptable hash behavior), peeing on trail, and getting lost on trail. It turns out Mount Me couldn't handle all of the spankings as she collapsed part way through the spanking mill. Shitty trail!

Overheard at the hash:
"I love the box!" Mount Me
"I cum 12 times then disappear." Rubs me Raw
"Minky's getting hot over there" - "I'm getting hot too." Unnnamed hasher
"He told me he was cumming on Facebook." Two Women
"If you open your mouth Bandit will french kiss you." Crash
"Someone dropped their penis" Unknown harriette

Lasalle Park Live Hare School's Out Graffiti Hash

Closed roads, flooded roads, and threatening skies didn't keep 18 hashers away from a live hare trail through the Lower West Side and Allentown. (Although 1 hare was kept away with a flooded basement.) Rubs me Raw, FFF, STFU, Pink, Gazelleria, Goo, Fertilize Her, Smokin' Just Patrick, Cooter, Just Jason, One Night Hand, Hare Llama, and Just Max started signing shirts as they gave the 2 hares a head start. I Wanna Drink and Crash led the pack over the 190 pedestrian bridge to a trail loaded with long backchecks, streets, alleys, and very few marked false trails. Trail wound through the West Side to Days Park and the first stop at the hash friendly Old Pink. Pitcher prices kept dropping like prices at Walmart. Maybe it was Pink's charm or just the vibe the barmaid was getting from her. The pack had grown since the hares went out as Nice Ass Mom, I've Touched Greatness, and Anal Drip showed up at the stop. The pack enjoyed pitchers of Labatts and anything but Labatts as the hares headed out again.

Trail led up Mariner to North St and back down College then zig zagged towards Porter Ave, through Columbus Park, back to Porter and the 2nd BN in Front Park where the hares enjoyed watching the pack hit another backcheck and having a hard time finding trail until Cooter spotted her husband and car. More shirt signing, some port a pottie blocking, and beer drinking took place until the technology loaded STFU got an emergency call on his two-way wrist radio garmin phone PDA. The pack was on in soon after and headed for the Lasalle Park amphitheater and circle.

Fertilize Her ran another great circle full of accusations which included: peeing on trail, not wearing a graffiti friendly shirt, late to circle, missed the last hash, using marks not included in destructions, writing accusations on your hand, June analversary, setting a trail with no beer, blocking a hasher inside a pot a pottie with a garbage can, eating pizza on the way to circle, and not wearing last year's graffiti shirt. Tags were handed out to I've Touched Greatness and Nice Ass Mom. Crash received a "Hared 50 Trails" patch.

Full Moon in June

Ok, went to my first HASH run today. Brother Jerry came along to make sure I didn't take any short cuts. I haven't done any running since my foot operations 7 years ago. I did well! Kept up with the snails. No sir, they didn't get one step ahead of me. Oh boy, are my legs going to be sore tomorrow. It was fun. It got my heart pumping and a sweat on my body. Cleaned my skin and got the dust out of my lungs. I think I burned up a bunch of cholesterol along the way. The weather was perfect, sun shining, low humidity. The only thing that could have made it better was if it rained beer. Since it didn't, we had a few at the end of the trek. I will sleep good tonight. - Just Robert

Cinco de Mayo Cinco Millas Rastro Virginal

22 hashers and 1 latecummer showed up for a great mix of streets, trails, dikes, and shiggy on a spectacular sunny Saturday. The hash gods made up for the Dyngus Day Drenching and the Mushy Muddy Marilla Trail by basking the pack in bright sunlight that we still haven't seen since Saturday. Virgin Layers I Want a Drink and Where's my Cooter treated the pack to a great trail, great beer, and a great on after at their home. Trail started at Magruder's Pub where their dentist showed up along with half a dozen virgins and a mexican couple dressed in mexican blankets and sombreros. Or was it just Stops for Head on Trail and Goes Down on Purpose wearing what they had left after the 83 mph gusts hit their home last week?

I Want a Drink explained the trail marks which included a Supernova and Singapore Back Check (Can you guess their co-hare?) Trail started across Broadway heading right on Marengo and left on Minden to a SBC leading the pack through a parking lot and across Terrace to a Supernova having 10 possible directions to follow. Trail changed direction 6 more times before following Cayuga Creek and out to another Supernova behind the old M&T Bank on Broadway. Trail took the stairs along the Post Office, crossed Broadway to Legion towards the Elks Club and up onto the dikes along Cayuga Creek again. Backcheck towards Park Blvd, back on to the dikes, out across Lake, Old Lake, and back across to Lake and Como for a BN at the Green Buffalo.

Plenty of beer flowed and the pack was on out weaving along Como Park Blvd, backchecked along Como Park School, and back along Como Park Blvd and through some muddy shiggy between an old folks home and a Jahovah's Witness Hall. Trail was weaving through Depew near the D&L Plaza and into the 2nd BN at Fitness Fusion http://fitnessfusion247.com/. Mucho Corona and Negra Modelo was served along with a tropical shot. Trail marks were ignored from there as the pack was on in down Broadway to Magruders.

Mount Me and Bangs for a Buck ran circle which started with the hares, virgins, missed the last hash, birthdays, and Goo's 150th trail milestone. On to accusations which included peeing on trail, sitting in circle, latecummer, wearing toe shoes, plenty of, "When one hare drinks...", shortcutters, getting lost on trail, getting stopped by police, and stopping at a garage sale. Just Rachel and her buns of steel were named "Pecker Wrecker" for breaking her ex BF's penis (twice). Plenty of pitchers were emptied and we were on out for the on after.

The on after was at I Want a Drink's and Where's my Cooter's house where we feasted on chili burgers, taco salad, orzo, guacamole, rice and beans, and plenty of beer.

Shitty trail! Great people and great party!

Trail map link http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=4472210

It's Always Sunny in Marilla

Hashers showed up from far and near for Hoots and Udder's live hare Teachers Gone Wild Spring Break Hash. All types of hashers showed up: teachers, the retired, and retired teachers. Luckily we had the pole barn to handle the turnout of out of towners, virgins, and traveling hashers. None of them showed up but we had the space to accommodate them. The pack got primed for trail with Genny Screamers, Labatts Blue, and Doc Longweiners Boner Juice. Hoots and Udder loaded up with bags of flour and TP and were off to lay trail. Trail went behind the barn into the swamps, shiggy and woods. Most hashers wore rubber boots. You could avoid the water on trail if you ran through the water along the trail instead. FBIs Mount Me and Goo followed trail to a clearing as Crash caught up. FukkenFartinFir was seen DFLing as he was accosted by a dog and some turkeys. Trail led to a BN somewhere deep in the back forty. Although it was 4/19 in Marilla, it turned out to be 4/20 in Kuala Lumpur.

Live trail continued, meandering through the swampy shiggy and woods and finally on in for circle. Circle was held in Hoots and Udder's newly remodeled kitchen where Udder was pleased that he didn't have to walk like a robot around the island. Circle was run by Hoots and Goo who started with the hares, out of towners, virgins, birthdays, and missed the last hash. On to accusations which included: peeing on trail, latecummers, wearing duct tape, technology on trail, no kilts, dressing alike, pricks on trail, and FFF accused himself of setting a trail without beer. After finishing 2 bricks of cheese, the pack feasted on hot dogs, baked beans, and salad. Circle moved to MSG for the Rock n Roll Hall of fame concert with Udder's Wiki facts.

Shitty trail Hoots and Ud!

Taking it back to the Old School

25 Hashers found their way to a dive bar in Sloan last week for Spoonful of Asshole's Old School Hash. Perhaps it is a bit repetitive to say "dive bar in Sloan". Maybe I should have just left it at "a bar in Sloan".

After getting warmed up with the regulars the pack was on-out, looking for destructions. Destructions were provided on the back of Spoonful's truck, in the gathering snow and wind.

Heading out south, we were soon on-hare, as the pack was having trouble discerning the marks amid the snow and snow and more snow.

Up into the shiggy, we found a nice trail next to the train tracks. Getting knee deep into the snow, we found our way around a little reservoir. Back into the town, we stumbled onto the streets and turned onto Broadway. Feeling the frostbite setting in, we were greatly relieved to see some BN. Warming up, taking off "one more layer" and enjoying some beer, the pack took some extra time at this stop. On-out, the back of the pack lost touch with the front-runners. Passing the nearest school, the back-of-packers made an executive decision to head On-In.

Back to the best bar in Sloan, where we quenched our thirst with Labatt's finest and assembled for Circle. Hares, virgins, missed the last hash all got their down-downs before a bar patron was invited in for a song. He was already three-quarters of the way in the bag, but was apparently unprepared for the Dawning of the Age of the Hairy Ass. I've never seen someone spit out their beer so fast.

Milestones, next hash, hash crash, out-of-towners, racists, and hot[dog grillers all came in. And the Hash left in peace, hoping to get a piece.

On On to Flying Bison