Buffalo Hash House Harriers

These nuts keep hitting my face

A Late Summer's Hash - Nuts on my chest

Cast

Hares: Just Marek, Yeah

Newly named, still explaining embarrassing stories: Suck my Tick, Anal Drip, Colder than a Witches Tit

Hashing with Family: Trust Me it Won't Spread, Just Amanda, Just Max

AARP Hashers: Bangs for a Buck, Dr. Tyrone Dingleberry

Hasher with best abs: Mouthful of Girlfriend

Hashers who came for the trail runs: Fertilize Her, 8 on Trail, Lickity Split, Skull and Bone Her

Long Time, No Hash Hashers: Wee Captain, Laugharawal.

Setting

Trail was set in beautiful Chestnut Ridge. Warm, late summer sun.

Act 1

The hares passed out a unique tag for the event - carefully drilled nuts on soft twine. Virgins were welcomed and blessed with beer on their shoes. Destructions were given, including a fabled "Vodka Near". When one of your hares is Polish, you know you're going to be drinking Sobieski. Hashers then set off on a great trail run, in hot pursuit of the beer and vodka. Over hill and dale (http://connect.garmin.com/dashboard?cid=691372).

Act 2

After a refreshing beer near, we're back on trail. Following a trail in Chestnut Ridge is fun and challenging. One of the challenges is missing flour and running by the Sobieski, another is getting run over by the super serious trainers out and about. One of whom was heard to remark "What are you people doing here?" Running for beer my friend, running for beer.

Act 3

Back on-in. Circle commenced with hares, then virgins, then out-of-towners (Flour City in da house!). Accusations - peeing on trail, hash crashes, birthdays, missing the vodka near, missing the last hash, hashing with your cousins, drinking for your missing brother. Finally, a naming is needed for Just Marek. Reviewing his many (many many many) comments during the hash the pick of the litter survived in a modified form to become his name - Spoonful of Asshole. Welcome to the hash my crazy Polish friend!

On On!

Hares needed - email Mouthful of Girlfriend

Crow's Nest

23 hashers showed up for what was billed as, "Can't Get Enough of Amherst Swamp Hashing," hared by Dr FAL and Inverted Camel Toe. Goo and I arrived a bit late but within standard hash time. I was slathering on the poison ivy block, looked up and saw the pack was on on. What was the rush? Typical doctors - they'll keep you waiting forever but don't you be late! Then I was asked to move my car because it was horse shoe league night. WTF? I finally caught up with the walkers and sweeping hare and followed trail to the 1st stop which was a water balloon and water stop. It was a hot one so both were refreshing. I'm not sure where we were but there were paths winding through the woods. Walton Woods Park? Everyone caught up and we were on trails and side streets to the BN in FAL's trunk. Labatts, Labatts Light and a buried selection of dark beers and a Belgian were in the cooler. The cool thing about Amherst is they seemed to have sprayed the poison ivy on trail which was all dead and dried up vines on the trees. Trail continued through the winding paths, through some side streets in Robinwood, across a field and on in down Dodge.

Circle was held in the parking lot of Byblos Restaurant which is closed for the summer. A convenient table was borrowed and Crash and Mount Me ran circle. Jay Charles showed up with his shiney shoes. Pudwipe, a local resident who has hashed around the world showed up for his 1st Buffalo hash after watching the website for 3 years so we called him an out of towner. Pudwipe opted for a joke about a Canadian which spawned a killer stare down from Ball me from Behind. Luckily she never hits a man wearing black socks! Accusations included: FRB, FBI, DFL, racist clothing, peeing on trail, accepting the 69 award at the mudrun, latecummers, and overachievers. Just Pat was named Anal Drip - the anal part came from his road trip with Mouthful of Girlfriend (ask her) and the Drip from wringing out his shirt after trail.

The on after ended up at Lebros where BH3's 1st hares, Just Bob K. and Just Sal T. (really - never named?) were at the bar. We sang them a song and encouraged them to return to the hash. Great food and beer!

Shitty trail FAL and Camel Toe!

#616 - Canal Fest Hashing Quiz

20 Hashers gathered at Betty's for the 2nd year of Canal Fest Hashing. Let's do a little quiz

1. Why are virgin hares fun?

A. They set longer trails with more beer than anyone else.

B. They write on themselves, especially a suggestively placed "On-On"

C. They set the trail in chalk, flour and ribbon, yet fail to have these items at destructions. Makes trail finding so much more fun!

D. You get to see them explain "this way is false. I suggest you go the other way. Because there might be something good that way. Like beer".

2. Why do we love North Tonawanda?

A. All the latest fashions from the 1980's

B. Open container law? What open container law?

C. Bridges, bridges and more bridges.

D. When you tell a girl "that dress really shows off your a$$" she usually takes it as a compliment.

3. Why do we love Canal Fest?

A. The beer tent (BN #2)

B. Funnel cake

C. Fried bologna

D. The beer tent (there was so much beer, it had to be mentioned twice)

4. Why do we love hashing?

A. Finding the shitty trail - Mudman in front, Ball Me from Behind catching up.

B. Hashers getting some white trash tattoos. Mouthful's quote "you have to love yourself first". So true!

C. Beer. The jello shots were just icing. BTW, where did that icing come from? On second thought, don't tell me.

D. Circle. Beer awarded to our hares, our virgin, our out-of-towners and all those calling attention to themselves (i.e. everyone).

On-On! Shitty trail 8, Skull, Lickity, Pink and Gazell!

More than a Mouthful's Luau

Starting out in beautiful East Amherst at hare More than a Mouthful's house, the BH3 gathered for a Saturday afternoon of trail and luau. The other hare, SS Crash, appeared to be hashing in long pants, always a sign of potential poison ivy. More than a Mouthful (MtaM hereafter) appeared to have been drinking til 4am the night before, always a sign of a harriette who knows how to party.

Setting out from Laurel Lane, we turned onto Youngs Road fairly quickly. I always wondered where that road started...A suspiciously placed mark alerted me to the possibility of a back-check laden trail and soon we were off onto the mowed trail, which may make a repeat appearance at an upcoming hash. Keep your eyes open people!

Around some more lovely suburbia, we crossed into this shiggy shortly after a back check 3.5. This partial back check number is the way to foil even the most stealthy shortcutter. I plan on using it myself.

Moutful of Girlfriend was heard to complain on this section of the trail that "it was like being on a treadmill". Yeah, if your treadmill is on a soft dirt path in the woods. Just Pat led the way through the woods to GrandMa's house also known in this case, as the Beer Near.

Chilling out at Margaret Louise Park, drinking some blue and swatting mozzies, the pack caught up on the latest. Beer mile smack talk, gyno complaints, offers for prostate exams and the usual debauchery made the rounds.

I am slightly unsure how we got out of the park, except that we were doing a bit of a reverse hash, and we were down a couple liters of blood from the mozzies. Back around a couple more cul-de-sacs we were soon heading back On-In. I was getting important life advice from Blows My Monkey and working up a sweat and thirst.

Back at the start, some hashers went into the pool, some went to the beer and some geniuses got their beer in the pool. Back out for circle, we found the blowup palm tree and my favorite beer bitch, Inverted Camel Toe. Hares, virgins, missed the last hash, milestones (50 runs for IVC and Lizzie Bobbit and name tag for I've (been) touched by Greatness).

Accusations, with Just Marek vying for FFF's spot as frequent accuser. Announcements and the Hash shit going to I've Touched for getting his tags.

Shitty trail, Crash and MtaM!

On On to cANAL fest and more hashing with pools!

School's Out for Summer Graffiti Shirt Hash

The hash gods again were smiling down on BH3 as an iffy weather day turned beautiful in time for trail. Yeah and Crash met up at Swannie House (since Mount Me had an EOY party injury) under ominous skies right under the gray and blue sky split that wavered back and forth at trail setting time. It poured then stopped and poured again and stopped for good. The hash gods were just F'ing with us. Just in case, we hit trees and poles as much as possible. We never scouted, not even virtually but since we hashed downtown a few times and Yeah works there we had no worries. Co haring is great 'cause you're not rushing and time goes by quicker while you're BS'ing.

21 hashers showed up for the start of trail. It started looking more like a hash school reunion. Das Hymen Optimator and Jenga strolled in, Mouthful came in from Hawaii, Hare Llama pulled up, Wee Captain and Luguharwuhl joined in along with C-Note, Lizzy Bobbit, and I've Touched Greatness who was barefoot but carrying some type of toe shoes. If you forgot a white shirt - no worries as Gazelleria pulled out a pile of old T's on hangars from his van and Goo had a half dozen markers. Oh yeah, Das Hymen Optimator had half a dozen cigars and I'm pretty sure he smoked them all on trail. 2 new faces showed up: Just Daven who hashed in Flour City years ago but has been waiting for divine intervention to show up in Buffalo, and Just Lori Z, celebrating her last day of school. Though she claimed to be a virgin, you'd never have guessed it. She's going to be a fun hasher!

Shirt signing started right away with different techniques and styles. Some opted for the same icon or mushroom headed giant penis, while others wrote a unique or personalized greeting for each individual. Destructions were given, a hash flash was taken, we greeted the virgin, named off, and were on arrow down Michigan. The newbies may have been confused by arrows painted by utility workers and doubled back from true trail but we finally found flour and continued down Michigan to Perry St and then Scott St where a peloton of cyclists was heading towards Michigan in some race that was still going on when we returned for circle. Down Scott, through the Buffalo News parking lot, over the tracks to the Amtrak Station, and behind whatever the Baseball Stadium is called now. We checked at every intersection and trail followed Oak St to Swan St but the FRBs continued running along the stadium to a false trail until someone finally found the next check at the intersection. Trail continued up Oak to North Division to a back check from Main Street leading back through the Bus Station and out to the 1st BN at the top of the Parking Ramp. That was a short stop as we were almost immediately met by a security guard and asked to leave.

On out towards Thursday in the Square, towards the Convention Center to Niagara Square and a Super Nova. On down Perkins Dr towards Blue Cross/Blue Shield, through Channel 7's parking lot, to a parking lot under the 190 where Yeah relocated the 1st BN. 16-ounce tall boys of Molson and Coors light were downed as we signed more shirts and sang a round of Chicago. On past the homeless people under the bridge, across the tracks to a bike path and 2 long left and right back checks and finally towards the marina, past Templeton Terrace to the 2nd BN next to the water along Erie St. It was there we finally met up with Comes Across the Border who had a long wait at the Peace Bridge. More 16-ouncers, more shirt signing, more enjoyment of the beautiful night and weather and we were on in along the Naval Park, the Erie Canal Harbor, behind HSBC Arena and on in to Swannie house ending a 5K trail.

The pack was filing in, $6 pitchers of Saranac Pale Ale and Labatts were poured and Bangs scooted hurriedly out on a mission. Mount Me heard he lost something on trail and headed on back to find it. We found out it turned out to be C-Note as Blows My Monkey took a call and headed out by car to pick him up. Everyone eventually turned up for circle as Fukkenfartinfir pulled up on his Harley just in time for the festivities. Circle started with the hares, virgin, out of towners (I think Just Daven chose a body part not realizing it was going to be his), DFL/FRB/FBI, missed the last hash, no birthdays and on to accusations. Accusations included: peeing on trail, wearing toe shoes, teachers working their last day, latecummers, setting a trail with no beer, getting lost on trail, celebrating 7 years of marriage (get a room JJ and DHO!) celebrating 27 years of marriage (HD and BMM), and chain smoking cigars on trail. I had the very fortunate positioning as a harriette obliged the bartender who offered a free pitcher for showing some tits. Self appointed hash ambassador Das Hymen Optimator pulled several Swannie House regulars into the circle as one walked away with a well decorated shirt. Shitty trail? Of course writes the co-hare! On On! Crash

Mudman's 100th BH3 Trail- 129th but who's counting?

Well I'll begin at the start of the hash once I figure out where it actually started. It was posted on the hare line as Daffodil's, referred to on the message board as Verbena, but actually started at Dandelion's. The pack started to show up at Verbena, since Daffodils evidently closed 4 years ago. I know Mudman has hashed 28 times since his actual 100th but I don't think it's been that long. After getting lost setting trail, the hares finally showed up to redirect the hashers to Dandelion's where the $3 dollar pitchers were an even better deal at $9! WTF? Did FAL get that price 4 years ago too?

Once you get past the smell you've got it licked, so once you found your way to Dandelion's you were in for the best hash of the year! Mudman, Robin Wood, and FAL teamed up for a great trail that included: swamp, jungle, parasites, virgins, out of towners, golf course, HALT AT THE DRAINAGE DITCH, bike path, 3 great beers, 55mph highway crossing, UB, mud, mud pie, mudslides, tug of war, fountains, a pump, swimming hole, a packed bowl, and the mudmobile.

26 hashers showed up, one by bicycle, for what would be a mud themed hash. Phart was down from Oakville, Donkey Ho Te was up from Pittsburgh, and Salamanca's Just Laura brought a virgin from Flour City. Double Header was in from Cairo / DC Hash with Hoots and Udder who will soon be on their way to Borneo. Just Pete brought virgin Just Robby so he'd have someone who could keep up with him, and Skull and Bone Her learned not to lock her bike to a pole that is not anchored to the ground. Mudman gave destructions, Bangs took the hash flash, and the pack was on arrow. Down North Forest to a forest - actually more like a swamp and jungle. We followed very thick shiggy which slowed the pack down to a near crawl. Finally we made our way out to the halt at the drainage ditch while we waited for the pack to regroup. On out through a golf course and to the bike path for the 1st BN. 3 mini kegs of Heineken, Spatan, and Newcastle Brown Ale were very much enjoyed by the pack. Now we were primed for crossing Millersport Highway to the UB North Campus.

On across 55 mph traffic, along a field, towards the 2 lakes where the pack spilt, both following marks until we realized the hares were on the other trail. It was there Mudman had several Mississippi Mud Pies he had specially made at a bakery, along with mudslide shots, and a mudpit where a tug of war rope was awaiting the pack. Pie was eaten, mudslides were downed, and war was tugged. Everyone got a little dirty and some got a little muddy and we were on out past the lakes, through the campus, and a few went into the fountains to cool and rinse off. Others washed up at a pump operated hose. On out of UB to the 2nd BN where a tick was removed from a hasher's back with a lit cigarette and a fingernail. Trail led out to a turkey eagle split and the end of the trail at a creek and the new Mudmobile. Most hashers went for a swim and Robin Wood found a packed glass bowl on the ground.

A couple hashers ran back while most took the mudmobile back to Dandelion's parking lot for the circle. Mount Me and Crash ran a long circle, starting with the hares, hares missing the start of the circle, virgins, out of towners, missed the last hash, DFL, FRB, and on to accusations. Accusations included: peeing on trail, not tugging on trail, having a parasite on trail, breaking something on the mudmobile, hashing with your daughter, swimming in a fountain, and getting lost setting trail. Just Pete was named Lickity Split.

A few hashers made it to Crash and Goo's for swimming, showering, eating, drinking, and hitting on teenagers.

Shitty trail Mudman, RW, and FAL!

100% Gay Pride Hash

29 Hashers gathered on a warm June evening at the corner of Main and Allen with their gayest attire to run a trail, drink beer and take a tour of Buffalo's gayest bars.

Hares Vagitarian, Inverted Camel Toe and yours truly explained (most of) the marks to the pack which included a couple of virgins - Just Ambrosia and Just Steve. Speaking of virgins, how many of us had been inside all those gay bars on Allen? Just raise your hand. And email me any good stories.

On-out, down Allen, stopping at the first of five GBN. Adonias. Then Cathrode Ray, Q, and Fugazi. Extra points for getting signed on our body, extra points for popping your top, extra points for showing off your tanned ass. I'll leave the names attached to those achievements to your imagination.

Across to Delaware, down Virginia, Virginia Place and around a beautifully designed circle jerk to Delaware and Allen. Down Allen through the warm and Pride-ful evening. Cutting through Arlington Park we came to the un-explained SN. Marks surrounded Symphony Circle, leading 99% of the pack to a water crossing and around the back of Kleinhans to the blessed BN.

Having lost Trust Me it Won't Spread we pictured many horrible possibilities, and the lovely idea that she might be locking lips with some hottie back on trail. As usual, truth was more prosaic and she was later found hanging out at the On-In locking lips with a water bottle.

On-On, heading towards Elmwood via Trinity Place. Passing the site of a great September '09 wedding we came upon Rainbow Jello Shots Near. Which tasted best? Red? Green? Purple? Why not try all 7?

On-out to the On-In. Roxy's. The legendary lesbian bar on Main Street. SS Crash ran the circle with help(?) from RW's beer bitching. Hares, virgins, out-of-towners (including Udder's daughter Double Header). Birthdays - Captain Crunch and racists (too many to count!). Then on to namings. You never know what you're gonna get when you call a virgin into the circle and start asking her questions.

Cue Inverted's oral exam of Just Maura, Just Joe and Just Steve. Probably one of the highlights of the whole night was seeing the "demonstration" of her favorite position. Yow! Welcome Skull and Bone Her. We then went on to name Just Joe Shut the F*ck Up. What more can I add to this name? It explains itself. Welcome to the Buffalo hash!

On-after to pizza and Greek Fest. Email Mouthful of Girlfriend if you want to hare.

On On!

Monkey Business

About 30 hashers came out Friday night to help Blows My Monkey celebrate her 21st anniversary of her 29th birthday. Finding the trail to her house was easy - just drive down Rte 33 and turn left at Ransom Road. Some of us half-minds had significantly more difficulty on the actual trail.

Gathering at the back yard pool/bar we had a cold beer and contemplated who would be the first hasher to be thrown in the pool.

Destructions were held out front with virgins and out-of-towners helping the pack get warmed up. On-out down Ransom road! On and on, til the pack was turned around. Turned around by what you ask? I have no idea, do I look like an FRB?!

Cruising past the start, we soon reached Genesee and Ransom. Here is where things got interesting. Some of us crossed and went On-On to a mega long back check, trading our "training tips". On back from this BC, we arrived back at the intersection and went left instead of right.

Ever run the second half of the trail first? That is what SS Crash, Dunkin Heinz and yours truly did last Friday. Inverted later proposed that we had been getting our "bromance" on, but truly it was just 3 guys running a trail and wondering where everybody else was.

Our beer stop was the On-In, where we conspired to return and "reset" the trail. So, we led the merry pack on a tour of a private lake and back to the house for some more monkey business. I'll leave it to a true-trailer to tell the tale of their adventures.

On-On to pool time (Virginator wins the dunking prize), beer, Circle and summer party. Crash and Mount Me ran the circle which included birthday girl hare, out-of-towners, virgins, accusations and announcements. A delicious spread of weiners and burgers followed as the party rolled on into the night. Quoting the birthday girl "I'm 50 and can do whatever the hell I want". So true.

Shitty trail, BMM! Great hashpitality!

On On to Gay Pride - Friday June 4th.

A check-less trail

No, it wasn't a nightmare on the 1st of the month, it was Jay Charles setting a trail without checks.

Read on Hash brothers and sisters to hear this strange tale. Meeting outside the aptly named Libation Station, were about 20 old and new harriers. My eyes spotted Boner, Half-Pounder, Mudman, RobinsWood, Crash, Goo, Mount Me, Just Kelsey, Just Maura, Just Pete, Gazelleria, Head Dispenser, Blows My Monkey, Yeah, Cereal Killer, Cums When Shes Away, Lizzy Bobbit, Grateful Head, Inverted Camel Toe and yours truly.

Flour marks. arrows, BC# (go back that number of marks) and BN. Those were all the marks to be found on trail. For while this was an unorthodox trail, there was beer. (I'm looking at you FFF).

On-out we went. Down Hopkins, sent back by our first back check, we headed behind the fancy-schmancy Williamsville Commons. A trip through the shiggy dumped us back out onto the winding and mind-numbing streets of East Amherst. My account of the trail gets a little foggy from here, although I do remember a whole lot of streets named "Whispering Pines" and "Desperate Housewives Lane". Seriously, the suburbs are weird. And I say that as someone who *lives* in the suburbs.

Jay's check-less trail kept the pack together although some tricky harriers started to sniff out his pattern of marking as we went on. It didn't matter though, because what we were mostly doing is watching Just Pete tear it up and Just Kelsey take her shirt off.

For those of you who don't know that Amherst is built on a fucking swamp, you should really hash there sometime. The swamp gas must have gotten to me because without my Garmin to check, I can't rightly say where the trail finally busted out a real paved type trail that led finally, to the BN.

2.5 miles of trail had us nice and thirsty for the brew. And amidst the Mich Ultra, Genny Lite and other non-beers, there were a few Labatts. Thank G.

We reviewed our favorite encounters with police on trail for the newbies and re-hydrated. Hashers and delinquent teenagers have a lot in common and we had to kick out a few young'ins who were looking for a place to sneak their own hooch. Come back in a few years kids and we'll show you a thing or two!

On-out from the beer check we were quickly in Margaret Louise Park and On-In. The reverse trail from Donkey Ho Te's famous trail last year. Nice.

On-In (or Back Check 69), we arrived at Libation Station for some hassling from the bartender and fries from Grateful Head. I preferred the fries.

This lady bartending actually carded the three youngest hashers, which earned her some macking from RobinsWood. If you've never had RobinsWood make an awkward advance towards you, you just haven't been hashing enough. And if you've never seen him try his lines out on 22 year old bartenders, you really haven't lived.

Circle was run by Crash and Mount Me. The hare, out-of-towners (Flour City and Summit NJ), virgins, accusations of peeing on trail, missing the last hash, getting carded, murky moments, latecumming, FRB'ing and being the FBI (first bitch in).

Just Kelsey was called up with an accusation of "being 8 on trail". Whether this referred to her shirt or her and Just Pete's way of passing the time, we may never know. A short poll decided the matter however and she was thusly named "8 on trail".

Welcome to the Hash 8! You're true blue.

Announcements - next hash is Monkey's 50 blows, Rainbow Pride is June 5th, Flour City is hashing on Thursdays, and it is possible to lay a shitty trail without checks.

Dazed and Confused at the 4 (16+4) Hash

15 hashers showed up for a smokin' good time at FAL & Inverted's joint for the 3rd annual 4-20 hash. It was a little early this year but since last year's fell on June 3rd, it was close enough. Flour City was well represented and at first equaled Buffalo with Robin Wood, Head First, Saint Nippleless, Captain Crunch, and Psyche. Hares; Dr FAL, Inverted, and chronic 420 hare, Vag were joined by Just Maura and Just Noa. This was a 420 hash so there were plenty of late cummers who made it by standard hash time: Crash, Goo, Thundering Balls and Tender Twat pulled up in time for destructions. Destructions were like a Concentration Puzzle without the memory part. Hashers had to decipher the clues which directed you to follow the unmarked trails - walking or auto hashing. There were no stops or checks, just a direct route to the Party at the Moon Tower.

Everyone arrived and the party fired up in the kitchen. FAL served Labatt's, Labatt's Light, all the dark beers he dislikes, and wine. Vag and Inverted were good hostesses, with bowls to pass and munchies in the dining room. Latecummer Grateful Head showed up with a huge bag of parsley (the difference between parsley and pussy? Nobody eats parsley:) The hares also brought out 3 packs of white t-shirts - wet t shirt contest? No, we tie dyed shirts that were washed and ready to go by the end of the night. Very cool.

Thundering Balls prepared the bonfire. With fumes wafting through the yard we all kept our distance, expecting a huge WHOOSH of flames but the gas turned out to be kerosene (explaining why FAL couldn't start his snow blower last winter.) We circled around the fire where Crash ran circle, starting with the hares, out of towners, missed the last hash, and birthdays. On to accusations where down downs had an option. Accusations I can recall included autohashing, racist clothing, not wearing hash attire, and wearing kick ass F me shoes. F me shoe wearer Tender Twat received the Hash Shit fron Vag. Psyche has 3 down downs in a row but I don't recall the accusations. Circle closed and the pizza arrived.

Robin Wood reminisced about his elementary school days where surprisingly his teachers referred to him as "Robin Wood." Crash reminisced about the 500th and 600th, and FAL reminisced about applying tattoos and Oakville's 900th hash, in fact here is a video clip of FAL at the Oakville 900th: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDaBAqlJv6I

Shitty trail FAL, Inverted, and Vag!