Buffalo Hash House Harriers

Its good to be Goo

Who loves a party? Raise your hand. Ok. Now, who loves running 5 miles in the bright January sun? Put your shoes and pants on.

That describes the Hashers in attendance yesterday at Goo's birthday trail.

Udder, Hoots, Mount Me, Just Dawn, Just Chuck, Just Dan, C-Note, Bubble Beaver, You're Not My Daddy, Moms Cumming, Just Ellen, Luguharwuhl, Wee Captain, Bonkers, HeartAss, Runs Both Ways, Blows My Monkey, Head Dispenser, Pink Cosmo, Gazelleria, Grateful Head, Inverted Camel Toe, Yeah and yours truly.

Setting out from the Green Buffalo, we wound our way around Lancaster before doing a loop-de-loop into Como Park. One of the more picturaseque parts of the trail followed with bridges, snow laden paths, purple chalk arrows, artists on trail and frozen creeks.

Coming up Lakeside Drive, I had the feeling that we were approaching a BN. Maybe it was the multiple BNs written all over the place. Maybe it was my recognizing C-Notes' house. As late-cummers we had caught up to the pack here and exchanged some New Years love with the pack.

On-out as hypothermia set in, we ran a route somewhat similar to previous Lancaster hashes, running by Court Street Elementary School. By the way, has anyone noticed that there is a Kayla Lane just nearby there? I'm just sayin'.

Shiggy, train tracks, and then on-in to the blessed Pete's Hilltop. Site of several previous memorable Hashes, we reminisced, drank beer and met our Hashing family of the day - Just Ellen, You're Not My Daddy, Moms Cumming and Bubble Beaver. I have no idea what happens to a family that Hashes together and I hope to find out someday.

After rehydrating and defrosting we were On-In to the Buffalo for Circle. Udder stepped up to the plate and led us in down-downs for the Hares, Birthday girls, Out-of-Towners, and those who missed the last Hash. Notable events in Circle included C-Note's special sauce love for all those taking too f*cking long to do their down-downs and a naming.

A naming you say? Yes indeed. Just Ellen, the mother of two hashers turns out to have a love of Bush. What kind of Bush you ask? You had to be there for all the details, but suffice it to say that this mother of two liars became Depends on Bush. How many people get to pour beer down into their mom's mouth while she is seranaded by a pack of Hashers? My jealousy knows no bounds.

On-After to Crash and Goo's for a lovely spread to celebrate the Hash Hostess with the Mostess. And when I say spread, I do indeed mean C-Note's legs.

A night playing pool, drinking bubbly and making fools of ourselves on the foosball table. Perfection!

On On to the Flying Bison next week.

Last Trail of 2008

Someone check the calendar. 60 degrees on December 27th? The hash gods were once again smiling down on BH3 as the downpours subsided by the 12:69 hash time. FertilEyes Her (stats version, or is it FertilizeHer, message board version?) and Mount Me in the Mud were joined by close to 30 hashers including Flour City (Mudman, Robins Wood, and Clueless) and Swain/ WNY Fullmoon/ Holidaze hashers Stones and Minkey. A few virgins were also in attendance as well as long time no see hashers Cums with Twins and Hizzoner.

The previous downpour only partially washed away trail marks but FertilEyes Her set out live-like as the pack started a round of Father Abraham. Trail started down Main Street (towards Buffalo on the McDonalds side of the street for SFHOT) past a few "intersections" (we call them checks up north) and across Main Street FertilEyes Her style - without a traffic light to the parking lot of his residence (on the Stereo Advantage side) for the first of 3 "beer" stops. Well, this was an actual beer stop since Molson Canadian was served. Socializing commenced and FetilEyes Her went out live-like again as the pack started a round of Chicago.

He's a little stingy with the flour so it took the pack a few minutes to find trail that looped back towards Clarence and back up to Main St, through Ed Young's parking lot and back to Main for the 2nd BN featuring Gatorade colored vodka and a few remaining Canadians. Some peeing on trail occurred as well and a few snowballs were launched. The live-like trail ended and we were following remnants of marks. Here's a tip for upcumming hares: hit the trees on bad weather days! Back across Main to the McD's side and on trail. Stones asked where the convent was because that was where he knew the trail was heading. Every trail in this area (Flour City's #437 and Pittsburgh's #515) headed through there and past Glen Falls. On towards the convent to a BC 4 and through the flooded convent grounds and up towards Glen Falls and the "BN" featuring Blue Light carbonated water. Mudman led the pack with The 12 Days of Hashmas as Hoots signed. He also started a round of My Name is Joe and I Work in a Button Factory. FertilEyes Her re-marked the trail On-In and we were on in past the falls to Main St and Sorrentino's.

The pack was moved to the back room and circle began with the hares and virgins followed by out of towners, latecummers, and long time no see'ers. On to announcements (now I know how Doc feels) and then to accusations. Accusations included: leaving stuff at Holidaze, peeing on trail (Cums with twins returned the I Peed on Trail sign from July 21st - Mouthful of Girlfriend now has it!), pants off in the parking lot, talking about purses during circle, technology on trail, and racist gear.

On to presentations for the outgoing Hashmaster -FFF/Soup, RA -Dr FAL, and Haberdashery- Mount Me. All received a personalized flask. Incumming officers were introduced- Hash Joint Masters Hoots and Udder, RA - FertilEyes Her and Hare Raiser - Dr. FAL. Hey FAL - update those stats will you?!?!

On On,

Out going HareRaiser / Incumming Scribe,

SS Crash

Holidaze 2008 - A Recipe for Hashing

Ingredients List:
60 Hashers (give or take a few). Partly pickled in beer and unfrozen from afternoon trail. Stuff into room meant to hold 30.
Dick Tracy. If not able to find Dick (who is hard to come by), consider Fuk Stik or Tour De Puke.
A Weekend's worth of Hash-worthy behavior. Yes, I'm talking about you.
The 9th running of Holidaze, courtesy of SMILF, Stonz, RobinsWood and Butt Floss.

Prepare Ingredients:
Call Hares into Circle.
Try to understand how they laid a trail over some super secret no-running part of the park. Realize that is impossible to understand anything that half-minds do and resort to silly string and multiple down-downs for the bastards.

Call those suspected of "other activities" instead of r*nning trail.
Really, if you had a choice, would you rather get laid or run 6 miles of freezing trail? Ok. I mean, except for Crash, Master Baster, Mudman, Panic Button.

Call those who say embarrassing things into the Circle.
These ingredients are selected at random from pretty much every single Hasher in attendance. The choice this night was for Loves-a-LubeJob and New Shoez.

Take off the RAs clothes, revealing an even gayer outfit than you imagined was there.

Call in the maker of HashSpace. Sux-n-Blow. Really, this guy was calling attention to himself all night. First, creating a website with 10 000+ Hashers on it. Second, having a hot harriette on his lap. Third.........uhhh...I can't really remember what was after the harriette.

Call in the Kennel with the most Hashers in attendance. Yes, Buffalo was in the house! And the Age of the Hairy Ass did indeed dawn.

Finally - Once down-downs are completed, proceed to announce your engagement to Chemical Whorefare. Really, dude, how did you manage that one? Did you spike her beer for the past 10 years? Because if you did, I need some of that shit. Congrats and may you wankers hash in peace. Can I come to the wedding? That shit will be some serious fun.

On On!

I saw your mother at a Pub Crawl

"Your mother". That joke never gets old!

You know what else doesn't get old? A few beers and a shot of Wu-Wu in Lackawana.

Bloody Strap-On, Mount Me, Shots from Her Thinger, Bangs, Fertil Eyes Her, Udder, Inverted CamelToe, Fukin Fartin Fir, Vagatarian, Just Mary and Just Sue left the Red Eye Saloon in Lackawana last night looking for trail and beer.

What we found was the brightest and cleanest trail markings I've ever seen. Forensic analysis revealed the substance to be washing machine detergent. At least that is what it tasted like to me!

On-On around the block to our first stop. Some food, some Holidaze discussion, some songs for our helpful bartender. And then the Sharpie came out. Photos will be around later. All I can say is that getting up on a ladder and writing on the ceiling with a bunch of freaking hashers around is fraught with danger, hilarity and hands all up-in-your-business.

On-Out to the freakiest bar in Lackawana. Oh where oh where was Grateful Head?. This place had her name written all over it. Hash games ensued while the bartender bought us some shots of Wu-Wu. I was feeling pretty woo-woo at that moment, trying to figure out if Just Sari was planning on taking advantage of us after she had us drunk.

We left before that question could be answered. We did answer the question of "Who will take their pants down while singing to a lovely young bartender?". I know you're sad to have missed that!

On-In back to the Red Eye. Circle commenced with accusations of laying a trail, being from the Baghdad Hash, Texturbating on trail, being a virgin, being the hare's mom, having an ass that you could bounce a quarter off of, bouncing a quarter off someone's ass and FRBing.

Things are a little fuzzy from there....all I can say is that Bloody lays a shitty trail and I look forward to seeing her On-On again here in the B-Lo. Just as soon as that little Iraq situation gets straightened out!

Hash Weeked - Tender Twat's Birthday and Beaver Island.

All right, boys and girls, get a beer and a #2 pencil. On second thought, take your shirt off as well. Oh, and while you're at it, how about a cig and a can of gasoline?

Yes, it's another Hash Weekend Quiz.

#1. You arrive at Tender Twat's and Thundering Balls house. Why did you come?

a. You didn't get enough beer in Ellicotville
b. You heard that TT was giving out birthday spanks.
c. Saturday is a hashing day!
d. Beautiful West Falls, NY. Shiggy and beer. Do I need more reasons?

#2. Trail sets out and soon you come to a false trail that Thundering Balls says "isn't really a false trail".

a. I know, I know...there are no rules
b. Did I miss something in the destructions about this new kind of false trail?
c. Who cares -- we're running through the woods and it's beautiful.

#3. What was your favorite jello shot flavor?

a. Pina Colada. Jello-shot-a-licious.
b. Barb-wire flavor. Oh wait.....I wasn't supposed to be licking the wire?
c. Blue. I think blue is a flavor. Or at least after 5 or 10 shots blue can be a flavor.
d. Beer. I don't do those new-fangled jello shots.

#4. Gazelleria explained the National Fuel things we were running by. What do you remember?

a. Nothing. He explained the way he runs, too freaking fast.
b. Nothing. All I could think of was Thundering Balls' cigs and the big tank of propane we were standing next to.
c. Nothing. I kept having flashbacks to the NFTA Boat Harbor Hash where I was sure we are all getting arrested.
d. Nothing. Shiggy and beer is what I come for, not lessons in how gas storage works.

#5. You're at the On-After and you meet both TT's parents, her neighboors and her children. You conclude:

a. She invited Hashers to meet these people? Has she lost her mind?!
b. Those were some good weiners.
c. Are all volunteer firemen pyromaniacs?
d. I must find a way to move into her house, Just Amanda and Just Sam won't need those rooms forever, will they?

#6. Fertil-Eyes-Her and Crash lay a trail in Beaver Island State Park. How long before boobs are seen on trail?

a. 5 minutes. Big thanks to Just Jill! Best Hash e.v.e.r!
b. 5 minutes. Too damn long if you ask me!
c. 5 minutes. My retinas are still burned from those other top-less Hashers, FukenFartin Fir and Udder, though.
d. 5 minutes. Stops for Head on Trail says that there is good naked and bad naked. I say we can't know for sure without more evidence!

#7. Goes Down on Purpose and SFHOT bring virgins. Lots of virgins. Did they have a good time?

a. What? Sorry, I was still thinking about those boobs back in #6.
b. Just Judy seemed to get in the swing of things when she said she was looking out for low flying balls.
c. Just Paul offered to bring a keg of Guinness. Dude, we have high standards here at the Buffalo Hash......you had us at "keg".
d. Just Chris is running something called a half-marathon next week. We'll see, that kind of overachievement is NOT what we need around here. :-)

#8. Big Pussy rides a bike off the dock.

a. This isn't really a question. Just saying. Off. The. Dock.

#9. The first On-In sign is about a mile from the actual On-In. Thoughts?

a. Hey, it's a Crash trail.
b. More time to appreciate the Native American Summer we're having.
c. More time to look for low flying balls.
d. No whining on trail!

Next Hash - Next week -- Chez Crash and Goo. Look for details cuming soon!

a.

Hash #540

Greetings Hashers and Hashetts,

Missed a lot of you at the hash on Sun. Something to do with the Wine Glass Marathon being half empty or half full. It was a great time at wee Captain's and Luguharwuhl's Chateau in the South of Hamburg on a beautiful Sunny Sunday.

The wee Captain found some blacktop that wasn't being blown off as soon as he layed the flour down this time. Shitty trail down Taylor Road and thru some U-turns and false trails. Then it was off road thru a wildlife sanctuary, thru "knee deep" 18 Mile Creek. Thru some woods to a mulled apple cider stop under the South Buffalo St. bridge where Crash and Udder added to the Graffitti and the worst version of Chicago EVER was sung.

Back to a creek path past the sledding hill down the tube slide at the playground, then on into the village of Hamburg and circle jerks around the new round-a-bouts and art work critique. A "lite" beer stop at the back patio/parking lot of Coyote Cafe , and some chalk outlines in the parking lot of the wee Captain (including his organ). Never give a hasher chalk. Then around another round-a-bout to the new scenic overlook and a turkey/eagle split. Turkeys got a chance to dry out.....eagles got wet.......again.

Back to the Chateau garage for an abbreviated Udder circle for which the Song Meister (Udder) didn't know the correct words to even one song. The circle helped him out with the word(s?) to "Ugg". Then on to beer pong on Thundering Balls' new hand made back-lit beer pong table and the Bills game and eats including TT's "screaming" stuffed peppers and later pizza. Luguharwuhl kicked the boyz butts in Beer Pong.

Then as darkness fell an, at first lame, then good fire was started to warm us, as wee Captain gathered some dry wood from somewhere out in the darkness. Then as people dribbled out, it was hot tub time. We watched TV thru the garage TV window and listened to music and seriously tried to finnish the Keg of Flying Bison. Yes it is possible to reach the rest room without getting out of the tub. I believe those were Arborvitie bushes. Then we toweled off and it was down to wee Capt.'s basement bar/wine cellar where we proceeded to try to drink one of everything all at once. We finished with a fine 2006 Baco from the award-winning wine cabinet. Needless to say I spent the night on their couch. The wee Capt. slept in the chair, but miraculously went to work in the morning.

As i write this I think I detected a Fall (Autumn) leafy, crispy, apple cidery, wine harvest theme to this No Rules hash. Nice going Luguharwuhl and wee Captain Organ. wee Captain, you have redeemed yourself, and without a veteran hare's help.

Nice meeting Moo-goo, Riley, and nice border colley dog (crap, forgot the name). Didn't get a chance to meet Tard.

I think I'm still drunk.

FFF
On-on

Vietnam River Rat Hash

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpoeWnNukB0

The sounds of CCR’s “Run through the Jungle” playing in the background, our Helicopter transport just dropped us as we tried to scurry to catch up with the rest of the platoon running with their head (who said head) down into the shiggy. Twenty five or so of us ventured into the jungle’s of Alden NY. I was wondering why Gratetfull Heads shorts were already wet? I soon found my answer as we waded into waist deep water of the local creek. As the site of water often does, the wrenching feeling in my bladder arose, my apologies to Udder and Hoots as they were downstream from me. On-On out of the creek passed some locals. Was this a real swing set in their backyard or could this be an ambush! As we ventured pass the horse barn a virgin hasher goes down in the shiggy. Our motto leave no hasher behind (or is it leave my behind?) anyway we helped him through to the next BN. It was there that we finally caught up with the rest of the platoon, and also noticed that a couple of hashers from the Flour City (Pvt Robin Wood and Cpl Mudman) had somehow lost their way in the jungle as well.. Thank god for refreshments as our tired war torn bodies were in dire need of rest. Labatts beer and peanuts refreshed us so that we could finish the mission. Sargent TBBT scouted what he said was a safer route back to base. Of course all the wankers followed into the thick knee deep waters of the Alden jungle. The strangest thing was even the hares followed us. We eventually exited the mucky swamps, peeled a couple of leaches from my balls, and it was ON-in. Some minor war wounds were had by all. Back at base, circle ensued, late cummers Mom’s Cumming and Who’s your Daddy suffered a couple of Down Downs along with all the other wankers during endless accusations. The group once again made some new local friends, who are always happy to drink with us..

Until the next mission
Wee Captain Organ

Reach the Beer?

What accusation could be worse than a hare setting a Beerless trail?
OH wait a minute I know one! How about inviting hashers to do a 200 mile 29 hour marathon with NO BEER!!
All in all it was the experience of a lifetime. And yes we did drink beer on trail. I was lucky enough to be in the second Van charmingly named the “Ghetto Van” because we r*n mostly from 12 AM to 6 AM. Our adventure began by of course drinking down-downs at Chilis restaurant, then on-on to dinner at some Village people type restaurant called the “Common Man”
A friendly hasher named SOCO put the 12 wankers up for the night, and also made the best casserole I have ever had. An 8:40 Am race start in 40 degree windy weather.. The over achieving VAN #1 was on trail. The ghetto Van #2 of course opted to go to breakfast instead. It was at this time Soup and I decided that we would send FAL a picture of our asses at every transition area, throughout the race.
At the transition area #6 it was our turn to r*n, but not before pilfering all the free cases of energy drinks we could from the TA. After hours of tireless running, Ghetto Van # 2 was ready to drink some down downs,, about 20 miles into our journey the over achieving Van #1 called us requesting that we skip our drinking and sleeping and drive to meet them to give them the extra lighted vest. Obviously we met them at the bar we happened to be at. ( note.. UFO beer in cold 24 oz glasses is very good) Van# 1 was whining on trail as the rain (which we never saw) seemed to short out Scooby’s make shift Electric Horseman vest. And yes, his mother did bring electrical tape to fix it. On-on to our sleeping spot where some friendly girl scouts (thank god FAL was not there) offered us some spaghetti. After an hour of sleep it was our turn to r*n again through the night and into dawn, I arrived at the TA to meet Van #1 who was of course rested and showered! We decided to have breakfast at a fire hall, and pass out on the lawn (with the exception of Largawahl who spent the entire time in the bathroom) Bad clams? Van # 1 while doing their last legs did some shopping along the way, and bought some beer. We met up with them to r*n our last legs (beer was of course gone) ON-IN to the finish! I was lucky enough to have the final leg of the race, which I almost missed because I was chugging down some Yukon Jack I had in my flask. I donned a beautiful Lobster Hat as I crossed the finish to meet up with our Friends from Van#1 again.. who yes once again were showered, and drank all the beer.
Later that night the birth of a new kennel ensued “The Reach the Beer” traveling Kennel, and we hashed to a local BN where Just Caitlin was named “Beached against my Will”. The rest of the evening I would like to comment on but to be honest.. I really don’t remember!
wCO

I wanna watch NASCAR now shut up and git me a Beer

I was a late cummer and missed chalk talk, but after a quick read on the sidewalk outside of the illustrious Four Aces Lounge in picturesque Woodlawn NY, I was on trail down Rte5, passing several tempting diners and a couple of burned out steel mills I found myself heading for Lake Erie and a beautiful Woodlawn sunset. Wooden Arrows (wouldn't I? yes I would!) directed me into the shiggy where I promptly got lost.

LUCKILY I heard the faint chatter of a very familiar cackle. YES it was none other than the ho ho ho ha ha ha of Mount Me in the Mud..Maybe she was so loud because I was standing in mud! I thought to myself what a perfect trail a BN on the beach at sunset PERFECT! Perfectly sh!tty trail that is, that’s right our wonderful Hare ( you know the one,, the same one who previously laid a beerless trail) placed his BN on the edge of the lake in what I think was the Erie County Sewer authorities emergency sewage canal. It was there that I caught up with the hopeless group including the return of FRB Fertilize-Her from sunny FLA. Discussion of employment and a couple of Down Downs and off we were. Then suddenly emerges entangled in a BUSH, Dr Dingle berry (no pun intended) shows up as another late cummer. ON-On for endless r*nning pass the sewage treatment plant. Will my dream come true? Will the next BN be at the Solid Gold Strip club? DENIED!!

The hashers were all lost in the parking lot of the Dock of the Bay, when suddenly trail was found leading to none other than Go Cart! Yes this has now turned into a quasi vessel hash where all the wankers pinched a big wad between their teeth and gums and jumped into the Go Carts for some truly spectacular NASCAR competition. Watching from the sidelines it was easy to see the inner personalities of each Hasher. There was Gazelleria, pony tail flying in the wind hunch down in a fierce competitive squat to win a race with no start nor end that goes in a circle? There was Dr. FAL who looked like he was driving a Volvo to a conference on skin mole identification, and of course who could miss SS Crash, re-living his childhood looking like he was in a bad episode of the Banana Splits.. NA NA NA , NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA . ON -In through the dark back to the Four Aces Lounge.. Cold Beer and garlic chicken wings, Circle ensued where accusations flew including anyone wearing a Racing hat, and the overachievers r*nning in the RTB marathon. Once again the Buffalo hashers made some new friends including a one legged drunk gentleman named stumpy and sang a special Happy Birthday to one of the Four Aces sexy patrons..
On-on
wee Captain Organ

Tijuana Prom Trash

Once upon a time, far away in a place called Tijuana, there was a group of Hashers. Amongst them were some from far away, by the names of Humpday, Wet n Dirty, Ho and Sir Licks-a-Lot. Had come to see the fabled Prom Hash? Or had they come hoping for a donkey show?
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_show) In both events, they were in for a treat!

As explained by Senora Hoots, "if you seeeee a bunny, you are On-On". And if you have half a bottle of margaritas and 12 shots of dirty sanchezs, you'll be On-your-back. More about that later.

On out from Eddie Brady's, the pack found trail heading towards the Washington Market Arcade. Out-of-towners had the most exciting three minutes of their lives running down the Strip, to the mutual delight of those out getting their Friday night on and the festivally dressed Hashers.

Around downtown the Hash proceeded, eventually finding themselves at the train station. I caught up with our out-of-towners until the margaritas appeared. Vagatarian showed why she is known for being on top, and Inverted CamelToe showed where she got her name.

We sang our way down to the Arena (I used to work in Mexico), disembarked and found Wee Captain Organ. That wanker had run a lot - and had the sweat to prove it. Circle jerked around the Arena, Dirty Sanchez was near. This is a kahlua based drink involving a chocolate rimmed glass. On over to the new Inner Harbor (a great place to hash), we found Bugle Boy parked with the beer. Wet n Drippy and Yeah came late and Wet n Dirty gave a mighty whack.

On-back to the On-In, some of us by running, some of us drinking cheap tequila in Bugle's car. Bugle was the voice of reason in the car when he advised against topless activities by pointing out "there are cops here". Thundering Balls was the voice of men in the car when he said that "girls kissing each other is cool".

Tequila Circle Up! Virgin Just Molly arrived late, but got to drink. Out-of-towners and announcers got to drink. Not seen in long time Stiff and Wet got to drink and swear at the RA. Udder and Hoots gave out Tijuana swag. Very late cummers Mount Me, Prickle Puss and Kristy Kremes did not drink nearly enough. Stiff's pinata was dismembered and pizza was eaten.

On-On to Grateful Head's next week, On-naked-pagans in Brushwood the weekend after. See Eerie's website for more info on that second point. Campers are welcome at GH's, but naked Bugle Boy is not. :D