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| These nuts keep hitting my face | |  A Late Summer's Hash - Nuts on my chest
Cast
Hares: Just Marek, Yeah
Newly named, still explaining embarrassing stories: Suck my Tick, Anal Drip, Colder than a Witches Tit
Hashing with Family: Trust Me it Won't Spread, Just Amanda, Just Max
AARP Hashers: Bangs for a Buck, Dr. Tyrone Dingleberry
Hasher with best abs: Mouthful of Girlfriend
Hashers who came for the trail runs: Fertilize Her, 8 on Trail, Lickity Split, Skull and Bone Her
Long Time, No Hash Hashers: Wee Captain, Laugharawal.
Setting
Trail was set in beautiful Chestnut Ridge. Warm, late summer sun.
Act 1
The hares passed out a unique tag for the event - carefully drilled nuts on soft twine. Virgins were welcomed and blessed with beer on their shoes. Destructions were given, including a fabled "Vodka Near". When one of your hares is Polish, you know you're going to be drinking Sobieski. Hashers then set off on a great trail run, in hot pursuit of the beer and vodka. Over hill and dale ( http://connect.garmin.com/dashboard?cid=691372).
Act 2
After a refreshing beer near, we're back on trail. Following a trail in Chestnut Ridge is fun and challenging. One of the challenges is missing flour and running by the Sobieski, another is getting run over by the super serious trainers out and about. One of whom was heard to remark "What are you people doing here?" Running for beer my friend, running for beer.
Act 3
Back on-in. Circle commenced with hares, then virgins, then out-of-towners (Flour City in da house!). Accusations - peeing on trail, hash crashes, birthdays, missing the vodka near, missing the last hash, hashing with your cousins, drinking for your missing brother. Finally, a naming is needed for Just Marek. Reviewing his many (many many many) comments during the hash the pick of the litter survived in a modified form to become his name - Spoonful of Asshole. Welcome to the hash my crazy Polish friend!
On On!
Hares needed - email Mouthful of Girlfriend
| | | | | | | 23 hashers showed up for what was billed as, "Can't Get Enough of Amherst Swamp Hashing," hared by Dr FAL and Inverted Camel Toe. Goo and I arrived a bit late but within standard hash time. I was slathering on the poison ivy block, looked up and saw the pack was on on. What was the rush? Typical doctors - they'll keep you waiting forever but don't you be late! Then I was asked to move my car because it was horse shoe league night. WTF? I finally caught up with the walkers and sweeping hare and followed trail to the 1st stop which was a water balloon and water stop. It was a hot one so both were refreshing. I'm not sure where we were but there were paths winding through the woods. Walton Woods Park? Everyone caught up and we were on trails and side streets to the BN in FAL's trunk. Labatts, Labatts Light and a buried selection of dark beers and a Belgian were in the cooler. The cool thing about Amherst is they seemed to have sprayed the poison ivy on trail which was all dead and dried up vines on the trees. Trail continued through the winding paths, through some side streets in Robinwood, across a field and on in down Dodge.
Circle was held in the parking lot of Byblos Restaurant which is closed for the summer. A convenient table was borrowed and Crash and Mount Me ran circle. Jay Charles showed up with his shiney shoes. Pudwipe, a local resident who has hashed around the world showed up for his 1st Buffalo hash after watching the website for 3 years so we called him an out of towner. Pudwipe opted for a joke about a Canadian which spawned a killer stare down from Ball me from Behind. Luckily she never hits a man wearing black socks! Accusations included: FRB, FBI, DFL, racist clothing, peeing on trail, accepting the 69 award at the mudrun, latecummers, and overachievers. Just Pat was named Anal Drip - the anal part came from his road trip with Mouthful of Girlfriend (ask her) and the Drip from wringing out his shirt after trail.
The on after ended up at Lebros where BH3's 1st hares, Just Bob K. and Just Sal T. (really - never named?) were at the bar. We sang them a song and encouraged them to return to the hash. Great food and beer!
Shitty trail FAL and Camel Toe!
| | | | | | | #616 - Canal Fest Hashing Quiz | | | 20 Hashers gathered at Betty's for the 2nd year of Canal Fest Hashing. Let's do a little quiz
1. Why are virgin hares fun?
A. They set longer trails with more beer than anyone else. B. They write on themselves, especially a suggestively placed "On-On" C. They set the trail in chalk, flour and ribbon, yet fail to have these items at destructions. Makes trail finding so much more fun! D. You get to see them explain "this way is false. I suggest you go the other way. Because there might be something good that way. Like beer".
2. Why do we love North Tonawanda?
A. All the latest fashions from the 1980's B. Open container law? What open container law? C. Bridges, bridges and more bridges. D. When you tell a girl "that dress really shows off your a$$" she usually takes it as a compliment.
3. Why do we love Canal Fest?
A. The beer tent (BN #2) B. Funnel cake C. Fried bologna D. The beer tent (there was so much beer, it had to be mentioned twice)
4. Why do we love hashing?
A. Finding the shitty trail - Mudman in front, Ball Me from Behind catching up. B. Hashers getting some white trash tattoos. Mouthful's quote "you have to love yourself first". So true! C. Beer. The jello shots were just icing. BTW, where did that icing come from? On second thought, don't tell me. D. Circle. Beer awarded to our hares, our virgin, our out-of-towners and all those calling attention to themselves (i.e. everyone).
On-On! Shitty trail 8, Skull, Lickity, Pink and Gazell!
| | | | | | | More than a Mouthful's Luau | | | Starting out in beautiful East Amherst at hare More than a Mouthful's house, the BH3 gathered for a Saturday afternoon of trail and luau. The other hare, SS Crash, appeared to be hashing in long pants, always a sign of potential poison ivy. More than a Mouthful (MtaM hereafter) appeared to have been drinking til 4am the night before, always a sign of a harriette who knows how to party.
Setting out from Laurel Lane, we turned onto Youngs Road fairly quickly. I always wondered where that road started...A suspiciously placed mark alerted me to the possibility of a back-check laden trail and soon we were off onto the mowed trail, which may make a repeat appearance at an upcoming hash. Keep your eyes open people!
Around some more lovely suburbia, we crossed into this shiggy shortly after a back check 3.5. This partial back check number is the way to foil even the most stealthy shortcutter. I plan on using it myself.
Moutful of Girlfriend was heard to complain on this section of the trail that "it was like being on a treadmill". Yeah, if your treadmill is on a soft dirt path in the woods. Just Pat led the way through the woods to GrandMa's house also known in this case, as the Beer Near.
Chilling out at Margaret Louise Park, drinking some blue and swatting mozzies, the pack caught up on the latest. Beer mile smack talk, gyno complaints, offers for prostate exams and the usual debauchery made the rounds.
I am slightly unsure how we got out of the park, except that we were doing a bit of a reverse hash, and we were down a couple liters of blood from the mozzies. Back around a couple more cul-de-sacs we were soon heading back On-In. I was getting important life advice from Blows My Monkey and working up a sweat and thirst.
Back at the start, some hashers went into the pool, some went to the beer and some geniuses got their beer in the pool. Back out for circle, we found the blowup palm tree and my favorite beer bitch, Inverted Camel Toe. Hares, virgins, missed the last hash, milestones (50 runs for IVC and Lizzie Bobbit and name tag for I've (been) touched by Greatness).
Accusations, with Just Marek vying for FFF's spot as frequent accuser. Announcements and the Hash shit going to I've Touched for getting his tags.
Shitty trail, Crash and MtaM!
On On to cANAL fest and more hashing with pools!
| | | | | | | School's Out for Summer Graffiti Shirt Hash | | The hash gods again were smiling down on BH3 as an iffy weather day turned beautiful in time for trail. Yeah and Crash met up at Swannie House (since Mount Me had an EOY party injury) under ominous skies right under the gray and blue sky split that wavered back and forth at trail setting time. It poured then stopped and poured again and stopped for good. The hash gods were just F'ing with us. Just in case, we hit trees and poles as much as possible. We never scouted, not even virtually but since we hashed downtown a few times and Yeah works there we had no worries. Co haring is great 'cause you're not rushing and time goes by quicker while you're BS'ing.
21 hashers showed up for the start of trail. It started looking more like a hash school reunion. Das Hymen Optimator and Jenga strolled in, Mouthful came in from Hawaii, Hare Llama pulled up, Wee Captain and Luguharwuhl joined in along with C-Note, Lizzy Bobbit, and I've Touched Greatness who was barefoot but carrying some type of toe shoes. If you forgot a white shirt - no worries as Gazelleria pulled out a pile of old T's on hangars from his van and Goo had a half dozen markers. Oh yeah, Das Hymen Optimator had half a dozen cigars and I'm pretty sure he smoked them all on trail. 2 new faces showed up: Just Daven who hashed in Flour City years ago but has been waiting for divine intervention to show up in Buffalo, and Just Lori Z, celebrating her last day of school. Though she claimed to be a virgin, you'd never have guessed it. She's going to be a fun hasher!
Shirt signing started right away with different techniques and styles. Some opted for the same icon or mushroom headed giant penis, while others wrote a unique or personalized greeting for each individual. Destructions were given, a hash flash was taken, we greeted the virgin, named off, and were on arrow down Michigan. The newbies may have been confused by arrows painted by utility workers and doubled back from true trail but we finally found flour and continued down Michigan to Perry St and then Scott St where a peloton of cyclists was heading towards Michigan in some race that was still going on when we returned for circle. Down Scott, through the Buffalo News parking lot, over the tracks to the Amtrak Station, and behind whatever the Baseball Stadium is called now. We checked at every intersection and trail followed Oak St to Swan St but the FRBs continued running along the stadium to a false trail until someone finally found the next check at the intersection. Trail continued up Oak to North Division to a back check from Main Street leading back through the Bus Station and out to the 1st BN at the top of the Parking Ramp. That was a short stop as we were almost immediately met by a security guard and asked to leave.
On out towards Thursday in the Square, towards the Convention Center to Niagara Square and a Super Nova. On down Perkins Dr towards Blue Cross/Blue Shield, through Channel 7's parking lot, to a parking lot under the 190 where Yeah relocated the 1st BN. 16-ounce tall boys of Molson and Coors light were downed as we signed more shirts and sang a round of Chicago. On past the homeless people under the bridge, across the tracks to a bike path and 2 long left and right back checks and finally towards the marina, past Templeton Terrace to the 2nd BN next to the water along Erie St. It was there we finally met up with Comes Across the Border who had a long wait at the Peace Bridge. More 16-ouncers, more shirt signing, more enjoyment of the beautiful night and weather and we were on in along the Naval Park, the Erie Canal Harbor, behind HSBC Arena and on in to Swannie house ending a 5K trail.
The pack was filing in, $6 pitchers of Saranac Pale Ale and Labatts were poured and Bangs scooted hurriedly out on a mission. Mount Me heard he lost something on trail and headed on back to find it. We found out it turned out to be C-Note as Blows My Monkey took a call and headed out by car to pick him up. Everyone eventually turned up for circle as Fukkenfartinfir pulled up on his Harley just in time for the festivities. Circle started with the hares, virgin, out of towners (I think Just Daven chose a body part not realizing it was going to be his), DFL/FRB/FBI, missed the last hash, no birthdays and on to accusations. Accusations included: peeing on trail, wearing toe shoes, teachers working their last day, latecummers, setting a trail with no beer, getting lost on trail, celebrating 7 years of marriage (get a room JJ and DHO!) celebrating 27 years of marriage (HD and BMM), and chain smoking cigars on trail. I had the very fortunate positioning as a harriette obliged the bartender who offered a free pitcher for showing some tits. Self appointed hash ambassador Das Hymen Optimator pulled several Swannie House regulars into the circle as one walked away with a well decorated shirt. Shitty trail? Of course writes the co-hare! On On! Crash
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